Death

In the past,
I used to be alone
So lonely that I created an imaginary friend
He accompanied me throughout my childhood
I raced cars with him
I built sandcastles with him
I ran with him

At times when he is not with me,
I would be with my friends
Even when I know that they are using me,
Not valuing me the same way I value them,
Even when they hurt me,
Even when they laughed at me
I'll still laugh with them
Do anything for them
Just to keep them
As friends

I realized that I was living with a mask on
To laugh when I don't feel like laughing
To not show my true feelings
In order to put people at ease
In order to protect myself
From the people who were hurting me

I shunned from a lot of things
I became isolated
I became a hermit
A turtle
A snail
Going back to my own shell
Hiding in the dark
Away from the sunlight and everything else

Then I found basketball
Through diversity, I pushed myself to the limits
Even when I could not move anymore
I told myself
"You can still move, just one more point to even the game"
I found strength to move again
I realized that this strength -
This strength that gathers in the darkest moments of mankind
This strength that provides the extra boast
The additional support
Is what they call mental strength

Frail humans without mental strength crumble in the face of adversity
I guess I wouldn't now
During tough times I told myself
"Stick through this and you can handle harder stuff in life"
With this motto, I challenged fate
I challenged the heavens
I challenged life itself
To give me more challenges
To dump more shit into my life
To see if I can overcome them
Try to crumble me
I will triumph
I will move on

Then poly came
That's where I found a greater meaning to the word:
Friends
I used to think that humanity is rotting
I used to think that humanity is beyond hope
I used to think that humanity cannot be saved
And that there would not be any compassion
Any justice
Any honesty
And any truth left in this ugly world
Quoting Em:

"I felt the need to justify myself to people
I felt the need and desire to be accepted by others
I felt the pressure to conform to what the society expects
I felt afraid to be myself cos' of others' prying eyes
I felt inferior to try for what i loved
I felt disappointed by the weakness in human nature
I felt angry over the unfairness in life
... i felt that this world is not a place for me, i hated how filthy this society now is."

I fully agree with her
Then something happened in poly
People emerged from everywhere
Showing me the way
Proving me wrong
That there is actually honesty and sincerity in this world
They allowed me to be myself in front of them
No need to put on any mask
No need to hide
No need to protect myself
No need to have any distrust
They showed me that I only need to do one thing -
Embrace and accept them
For all of their qualities
For their love and friendship
For OUR bonds
For the first time in my life,
I felt that I actually belonged to somewhere
I thank them from the bottom of my heart
With them, I'm no longer lonely
With them I know that I've got support
With them I know that I'll have encouragement
With them I know that I will continue to smile
For they are precious to me
For they are the light
And I will succeed with them

With the bitterness gone
With the sadness gone
With the loneliness gone
I am a new man
I no longer fear the future
I look upon it with a tingle of excitement
I want to run towards it
Embrace it
Welcome it into my life
Knowing that I will be happy
Knowing that I will be contented
Knowing that I will be satisfied
Knowing that I will succeed
There is a new hope somewhere out there
And I will reach it together with them
With Firewire